The Answer To The Question: How Do I Pick Up Women?

One of the most popular questions I get in emails from guys is, “How do I pick up women?” The answer unfortunately is not universal. However, what keeps most men from even starting to approach women to ask them out is. There is usually ONE factor that plays into why most men simply can't approach women, and that is FEAR.

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Most men are afraid of women.  Not in the physical sense but in the “I wish I could approach that girl but I'm too shy, nervous, or afraid she will reject me” sense.  This is quite normal.  The good news is that it's something that can be overcome. 

First and foremost you need to ask yourself, not “how do I pick up women” but “what do I care if I get turned down?”  So, ONE woman doesn't want to have anything to do with you.  There's like, oh, about 3 billion other women on the planet that didn't say no.  Why focus so much on one person.  What most men make the mistake of doing is putting all of their hopes and dreams into one woman.  They see a woman they want to approach and they start playing out the scenario in their heads.  They see themselves happy with her and miserable without her.  They make her “the one” and “the girl of their dreams” and when she turns them down it's devastating. This is a psychological barrier that men need to tear down.  What you should be saying to yourself instead of “she's the one” is “she's only the first of the day.” 

When men ask me “how do I pick up women” I always ask them how often do they try to pick up women.  Usually they tell me that they don't do it very often.  This is a HUGE mistake.  How do psychologists recommend people overcome their fears?  By CONFRONTING it!  So men need to confront their fear of women and just start approaching and approaching and approaching.  Now the first couple of times may end up in disaster.  Women can smell fear and when you are in the early stages of learning to approach you will reek of it.  But the great thing about reptition is that eventually it becomes second nature.  You start to feel more and more comfortable with it and when you do you no longer smell of fear but you radiate confidence (and women LOVE confidence). 

You need to change the question from “how do I pick up women” in your head to “where do I go to pick up women?”  You need to get out there and practice up.  The best thing for you to do is go somehwere that you don't really know anyone.  This will make it a little easier on you because you don't have to worry about every seeing anyone you approach again.  Also, going outside your usual routine will allow you to meet people you normally wouldn't come across.  This is also a good idea to try when you get your approach down and overcome your fear of picking up women. 

There are all kinds of things you can say to a woman to start off a conversation.  Don't use pick up lines and don't use cliched questions (“come here often?” “what do you do?” “what do you study?”).  You want to use your environment.  Look at something she's doing or something she's got.  If you're at the grocery ask her a question about something in her cart, “That looks good.  I thought about getting that but passed it up.  Was that a mistake?”  Make it casual and innocent.  Make it sound spontaneous (even though you thought it up before you approached her).  Visualize the approach and think of possible responses she may give you.  This will prepare you for what she may say next and also will put you more at ease. 

These are some important answers to the question, “how do I pick up women?”  Just remember the answer depends on you, your ability to overcome your fear, your willingness to practice, and your dedication to seeing it through.  If you can stick with it and really give it your all then you will find that it only gets easier! 

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